Up in Smoke

I started smoking when I was 18. Did I know how to smoke? No, but after giving it the old college try I mastered the fine art of sucking in trash and blowing it out. Everyone I knew smoked in the 80s and it was my major bow to peer pressure. My parents did not smoke and for years it was only my younger brother & I who puffed, puffed, puffed our way through life. And now I have spent all these years trying to quit.
My brother who quit just recently with Chantix was smoking 4-5 packs (yes, packs) a day. He is about a month into fresher lungs. I am a stupid smoker, maybe 2 a day and then maybe 10. I never buy them because I would smoke all day if I had a pack. How many times have I quit? Probably in a year I really smoke 10 months out of that year... I quit for 2 weeks, 3 days etc. but then I think oh, I can smoke just one.. I got news for myself, no you can't!
So I have not smoked since August 6th and I am not going to say "this time" because I need to be done with this.
Ah, my addictive personality. I am so happy I never tried cocaine because I gotta tell you, my nose would have been eaten off my face.
I am very thankful that my girls hate smoking. I told Aubrey years ago if she ever tried it I would lay her hands on the counter and hammer them until all her fingers were mangled and she would not look cool smoking at all. I would congratulate myself on putting the fear of God in her but I think she was just smarter than me.
So, I am not going to think "this time". I am going to say "the last time" I quit smoking because I never know when I can call myself an ex-smoker and that is almost as good as saying "I have never smoked".