I am a pathetic blogger

So, when I started this I was having a cancer scare and life was rolling right along anyway but now I am back to being my boring self. You know, housework, grocery shopping, the job... I wish I could win the lottery or something to spice this little old blog up but I don't see that happening.
I have made it thru the year without my Mom which is a major acomplishment. It was one year on the 23rd and I have a peace settling over me... miss her like crazy but then I have to think if I believe what I say... man, my Mom is in glory... and I will see her again... and I can't wait.

Talks with her hands

I am an educational interpreter which is a big word for someone who does sign language.
I had my first student for 2 years before he voluntarily signed to me that I was Fat and he knew I was fat because I ate too much because he also signed that.
My newest student (I am on 3 years with him) does not sign much either. (Their parents did not think this is a skill they need to learn for their children.I could rant on that one forever but I won't) Anyway, my latest boy seen me doing "the shuffle" to fix my undies and looked at me and I explained my panties were in a bunch... 3 years of hard work and he has to spend the whole day asking people if their panties are in a bunch. And I know for a fact most were lying when they signed "no" to him.
People ask me how I do my job all the time becasue I am in a Life Skills class with challenged kids but there are days that I laugh until I cry. (And some days I just cry) I hope when I am in heaven I can look them all up and see how they turned out because this world often does not recognize how incredible they really are.

Burnt Cake

This is how my Mom is guiding me, I am talking to my sister and we discuss how I am making her a birthday cake and literally the cake is burning in the oven while I am talking to her. I then have to slice the cake up and skim the bottom off, frost with 2 tubs of frosting and it is no longer a rectangle, it's just weird. This would be my Mom channeling thru me to this world, her kitchen adventures are true legends.
Then while I am at my Dad's my brother tells me how he is turning into my Dad. Remember when your parents wished for you to have kids just like yourself? When that wish is defeated you simply turn into them so make your choice wisely, kids like you or you like your parents. It is a crazy wish that God I am sure sits and laughs about every day.. Kudos to the Big Guy on that one.
I gotta go.. I think I smell something burning.

Cold October

I usually spend my time fanning myself because I am hot, hot, hot but now I am cold. It is a strange sensation. I still have a burst of feel good which is great. I have cooked 3 days in a row which is funny because I hate to cook but I think I am just enjoying the heat from the burners and the oven. Is this what I have been missing for years? I never really noticed the seasons changing and I hardly ever wear a winter coat.. darn little thyroid I miss him already.
The weight loss is not happening at all so I guess I am just fat for life. There was a Dr. Oz show that showed if you : 200 plus your weight X 8 = the calories you eat to maintain your weight. I now hate Dr. Oz and think if I was eating that good I would be washing myself with a rag on a stick by now instead of my 5 year plan for it. (I will have to skip my ice cream while watching The Biggest Loser tonight.) Yeah, I am that pathetic. And Jillian should scare the pounds off of you just by screaming in your face. She is what my bad dreams are now about.

Scanned!

I get to go tomorrow for one more scan and then I may be done with Nuclear med for awhile.
I am feeling really good... energy is an incredible thing.

I woke up yesterday when I heard my Mom call my name. I would have sworn she was in my living room just calling for me to get out of bed. There is nothing worse than missing someone this badly... wishing for just one phone call, one lazy afternoon on the deck talking or driving to some stupid mundane event and just talking, or when we use to just laugh about goofy things and then always getting on a rant about something. It is strange how a ringing phone loses it's appeal when it's not your mom calling. Your heart can truly break & shatter, this I know is true.
It feels like forever since I have talked to her, since I told her it was okay to go that we would be okay... now she knows I lied. But can her joy be as over powering as my loss?
This is my prayer to God... carry our love with her and we will see her soon, and I hope she is dancing with JOY!

Homebound

I am still radioactive & need to avoid pregnant women & children so I am missing out on my hubby & daughter Aubrey in a pie eating contest at the Niles Apple Fest.. I hope the pictures turn out well. They have my Dad with them who probably did not plan on a 3-4 hour day in Niles but he has been stuck doing all kinds of things since my Mom died. Most that she would have loved and he does not. We have been keeping him busy. Also he got a $129. speeding ticket becasue he forgot to shut off the cruise control when he left the by-pass so that was a bummer for him. I would think the cop would feel guilty giving the old guy a ticket, especially wearing that hat of his.

I am feeling pretty good. I take steroids & extra thyroid pills until Wed. and then I am back to one pill a day. I hate prescription pills but this will be the only one I am taking to replace the thyroid and I guess I can live with that.

The pizza was beyond incredible and the elephant ear was close. (Why can't I lose weight? lol..)

Solitary Confinement

I have been in my room since yesterday afternoon. I was bored after 20 minutes. I need to learn how to like worthless t.v. but I believe it is the antichrist. So bad!
I have to send a shout out to Dr. Isaacson & his knives because he did such a great slice & dice so there are only little parts of my thyroid to deal with so very little cancer. I must now forgive him that I don't sound like Jessica Rabbit but I was told today I sounded raspy and like I had been drinking a lot. I have not, but the thought has crossed my mind this past month.
Of course my student did not ask about me at school.. the little turd. (Especially after telling him he had arm pit hair last week which made him so happy.. you'd think no other boy had the skill of growing it...I will be back to see his growth on Tuesday which is funny but he is probably still obsessed with it. (Daughters were so easy for me and I hear they are not but I don't know any better so let me stay in the dark about it.)
Yesterday on hearing the news was the first time I felt joy in a long time. Man, there is nothing worse than missing your Mom. 10 months this month.

Whew!

They did not do the drop & go routine which I have to admit made everything pretty boring. The pill did come in the form af a lead canteen but she lifted the tube rubber gloves, I ate it and was sent home to hibernate... I am all ready bored.

The good news is the cancer stayed right in my thyroid and I will just have to be tested off & on. (I was really worried after this crummy year that it would be more.. Thank God!)

Now I am chewing gum & hard candy because i don't want to have dry mouth the rest of my life or for my taste buds to go altho that might help the rest of my body. Two more days on the diet and then back on the thyroid meds that I hope give me energy and make it easier to drop my root beer belly. (The bad news is all follow up scans involve 10 days of this diet.)
While we waited for the drug to be mixed they said I could go eat in the cafeteria and then come back as long as I didn't eat anything real bad so of course I made Kenny take me to Subway and even without mayo that was an incredible sandwich that I might have only chewed once . Yumm-oh!

Rumor has it

I read that to adminster the radioactive iodine they cover everything in the room in plastic, bring in an egg shaped container, open it and put the pill in my mouth with tongs. And then run! I am hoping they don't make me laugh too hard and I have to spit it out.. I just imagine this guy in a space like suit and all I see is a@# and elbows as he escapes from the room. Of course I have had worse experiences when I was dating. I hope he doesn't scream too or I will be gone the whole day laughing.

Today I miss ketchup, sour cream and sweet & sour sauce. The baked sweet potato chips were crunchy but not Lays.. I could eat just one.

I hope they call tomorrow with the final dates written in stone for me, I just want this over with and a big fat elephant ear from the Apple fest where my husband is going to enter the pie eating contest. Stupid people, he really loves pie!

Fast food is killing me

Further proof they put something in fast food... I am craving it and I would kill, yes, literally kill for some mayo. Some guy that went thru this posted his diet with a ham sandwich and doritos that he was eating. I have so much more control than that,, it's a wonder I am fat. Especially when you go on a diet like Adkins (been there, done that, lost 12 pounds in 14 days and ate a piece of bread and gained it all back in 20 minutes and please, I do not lie)

New questions about this quest.. will I contaminate my mascara? I do not get the mail without mascara... my only vanity.. that would be the thing I would take on Survivor...let the bugs eat me and my teeth be gross because a twig is not a toothbrush but my closeups will show mascara.. I always wondered if it would be waterproof or not... Never mind people would see me on national t.v. in a bathing suit..They would just be watching me thinking, "Maybe it's Maybelline."

Today I am just tired! Even p.m. pills don't help the sleep. I wake up all night and toss and turn..I think it is the lack of mayonaise.
And I gotta tell you, three years ago I told my Mom I felt like I had a lump in my throat and did I go to the doctor like she said? No, and now I am so sad I can't have her with me for this hot, sick mess. It is unbeleiveable how bad you can miss one person.. all the time. ( I don't care where you are with people.. spend time with them and love them because someday your heart will be torn out)

Gary Goes

So, Gary is gone and he has left a nasty little cancer behind for me. (Kinda like a date with a whore)
Now, I meet another Doctor who deals with radioactive iodine. (Really, who was the first person to take radioactive anything and expect to be okay? Like the first fool to eat shell fish, have you really looked at shrimp or lobster? Gross! but hey, delicious)
So here's the deal, I go off the thyroid medince, starve my body for iodine for a couple weeks by going on the diet from salt & dairy hell and then they give me a little radioactive iodine, scan me and then decide how much to blast me with to kill wherever it has gone because only your thyroid sucks up iodine and only the cancer cells will suck this up.
I have been on the diet one week tomorrow. Like any diet the minute they say you can't have ...I want that thing the worst.
So I am in a thyroid Neverland.. I am foggy and eating fresh fruits & veggies which is ok but salad dressings are limited so I am dying to open a bottle of dressing and jug it like a college drunk standing on my head with a tube..whoo hoo Party at my place!!Ranch on tap! Shots of Catalina! It is just sad.
I am off to have blood work on Monday morning and then the scan on Wed. and the big Kahuna Iodine on Thursday.
My biggest worry? Those hospital surgery beds are narrow as is this scan bed.. I hope I don't fall off.
Biggest thing I am mad about? I can no longer yell very well and I wanted to sound like Jessica Rabbit with Gary gone but to me I sound like that Marlboro cowboy who smoked himself to death. And a zipper tattoo over my scar would not look good on my job without the added zipper tab being pierced in the end and that would hurt!!

You asked for it

Here's the deal;

I use facebook and my e-mail to update people on my crazy life and for some reason they are so entertained by this madness they asked me to blog about my experiences so I thought, why not?
I was surprised that even being computer stupid does not exclude you from these adventures so here I am.

My latest fun has been being diagnosed with thyroid cancer which I am sure some people will find it appalling that I can write with humor about this or even think it is any where near funny. It is not but my other choice is to crumble but I choose to STAND.
This all started with a plugged up ear and on the second Dr. visit he felt my neck and said, "I think you have a goiter." which he was very excited about as it was his second goiter that week.
So after looking and feeling my neck I figured I did indeed have a goiter and it was pretty big.. I am a big girl, anybody else would have been tipped over by the size of this thing but I just thought I had a thick neck to match my middle.
So from there I am sent for a mamogram (Oh, I hadn't had one of those in a couple ofyears so why not cover all my lumps & bump?) First for an ultrasound on my neck which now felt to me like I had a basketball in there...How did I not notice this huge thing?
From there I was headed to an endrocronologist who did her own ultrasound and looked at me from her size 0 pants and asked if I had a weight problem or ever struggled with my weight... HELLO! I just splayed out my hands to which she nodded her head and sent me for an esphagus swallow test and a cat scan on my neck. Everyone was impressed with the size of my goiter. I named him Gary.
So next to the surgeon who felt Gary one time and said, "Wow, this is huge, it's going into your collarbone..." It is worrisome to see so many people get excited about Gary. I think he is now a celebrity in the medical field here locally. Yeah, he says, Gary has to go.
In the mean-time my mammy did not go well. Just as I am sitting there thinking about great that I have only had to deal with women during this experience I am told the Doctor sees something and would like an ultrasound on my breast. MMM, the doctor is MALE! So, that was embarrassing and they still keep my top half naked.
One more test and this time they head me back to a bed with a hole in it that I use a step stool to get on and drop the offending boob into the rabbit hole for another look see. Yeah, they think I will have to have a needle biopsy. I got the golden ticket to come back for that bad boy in between the goiter fun.
The good news is after another trip into the bizarre udder machine they can't find the strange spot and I am cleared on the needle biopsy.(and men have to bend over a cough? Give me a break.)
So Gary was evicted from my neck on August 12, 2009. He went without a fight & it was a nice overnight stay in the hospital. A week later I get the call that I have thyroid cancer. Let the games begin.. just when I thought I was at least at the half time show.