Over the Hill and heading down fast

My phone rings today and some woman (it must have been her first day because she wasn't very fluent) wants to know if I might do a radio station survey and make an easy $50. Well, heck yeah! So she asked what station I usuually listen to and then how old I am. I think this is the first time someone has asked my age since December 19. I choked on "50" and she says "Thanks and goodbye"
WHAT THE HELL!!!!
I knew this would happen. It started with the gray hair years ago, really I don't have a clue of my natural color. And then the occasional chin hairs that now could be considered a crop..and it is so wonderful to feel one in the middle of the day with no tweezers or a mirror to crop dust it with. (So you spend the day feeling it and hoping no one sees it.) And then some of those crazy hair are like fishing line, white and stiff. Ugh!
And then there is the broken thermostat.. I am hardly ever cold. I can go outside in 20 degrees and feel fine. The ceiling fan in my bedroom runs at top speed all year and my husband gets up and complains it is cold while I am gasping for air. And I am wearing my clothes out by flapping them away from my sweaty skin. And how can your body only heat up from the waist up?
I do not like this aging thing. I do not believe 50 is the new 30..all lies!
Now, excuse me while I go ice pack my neck because it's getting warm in here.

what to say?

Just because you lose someone you don't know what to say. You would think that you could have this big wonderful word that would help heal such a broken heart...but I don't.
So, is it enough to tell someone you love them when they have lost someone they love?
Even Jesus wept.
And that sometimes feels better.. to know that Christ ached as we do and He knew the whole picture.
I lift my prayers up for those who ache.. including myself.

I am a pathetic blogger

So, when I started this I was having a cancer scare and life was rolling right along anyway but now I am back to being my boring self. You know, housework, grocery shopping, the job... I wish I could win the lottery or something to spice this little old blog up but I don't see that happening.
I have made it thru the year without my Mom which is a major acomplishment. It was one year on the 23rd and I have a peace settling over me... miss her like crazy but then I have to think if I believe what I say... man, my Mom is in glory... and I will see her again... and I can't wait.

Talks with her hands

I am an educational interpreter which is a big word for someone who does sign language.
I had my first student for 2 years before he voluntarily signed to me that I was Fat and he knew I was fat because I ate too much because he also signed that.
My newest student (I am on 3 years with him) does not sign much either. (Their parents did not think this is a skill they need to learn for their children.I could rant on that one forever but I won't) Anyway, my latest boy seen me doing "the shuffle" to fix my undies and looked at me and I explained my panties were in a bunch... 3 years of hard work and he has to spend the whole day asking people if their panties are in a bunch. And I know for a fact most were lying when they signed "no" to him.
People ask me how I do my job all the time becasue I am in a Life Skills class with challenged kids but there are days that I laugh until I cry. (And some days I just cry) I hope when I am in heaven I can look them all up and see how they turned out because this world often does not recognize how incredible they really are.

Burnt Cake

This is how my Mom is guiding me, I am talking to my sister and we discuss how I am making her a birthday cake and literally the cake is burning in the oven while I am talking to her. I then have to slice the cake up and skim the bottom off, frost with 2 tubs of frosting and it is no longer a rectangle, it's just weird. This would be my Mom channeling thru me to this world, her kitchen adventures are true legends.
Then while I am at my Dad's my brother tells me how he is turning into my Dad. Remember when your parents wished for you to have kids just like yourself? When that wish is defeated you simply turn into them so make your choice wisely, kids like you or you like your parents. It is a crazy wish that God I am sure sits and laughs about every day.. Kudos to the Big Guy on that one.
I gotta go.. I think I smell something burning.

Cold October

I usually spend my time fanning myself because I am hot, hot, hot but now I am cold. It is a strange sensation. I still have a burst of feel good which is great. I have cooked 3 days in a row which is funny because I hate to cook but I think I am just enjoying the heat from the burners and the oven. Is this what I have been missing for years? I never really noticed the seasons changing and I hardly ever wear a winter coat.. darn little thyroid I miss him already.
The weight loss is not happening at all so I guess I am just fat for life. There was a Dr. Oz show that showed if you : 200 plus your weight X 8 = the calories you eat to maintain your weight. I now hate Dr. Oz and think if I was eating that good I would be washing myself with a rag on a stick by now instead of my 5 year plan for it. (I will have to skip my ice cream while watching The Biggest Loser tonight.) Yeah, I am that pathetic. And Jillian should scare the pounds off of you just by screaming in your face. She is what my bad dreams are now about.

Scanned!

I get to go tomorrow for one more scan and then I may be done with Nuclear med for awhile.
I am feeling really good... energy is an incredible thing.

I woke up yesterday when I heard my Mom call my name. I would have sworn she was in my living room just calling for me to get out of bed. There is nothing worse than missing someone this badly... wishing for just one phone call, one lazy afternoon on the deck talking or driving to some stupid mundane event and just talking, or when we use to just laugh about goofy things and then always getting on a rant about something. It is strange how a ringing phone loses it's appeal when it's not your mom calling. Your heart can truly break & shatter, this I know is true.
It feels like forever since I have talked to her, since I told her it was okay to go that we would be okay... now she knows I lied. But can her joy be as over powering as my loss?
This is my prayer to God... carry our love with her and we will see her soon, and I hope she is dancing with JOY!